Writing after long..felt like but not sure of what to write. Sitting here and wondering what to do next. I realize that i gave up myself in relationships all the while and have forgotten to make myself my own priority. I cant believe that there is something i feel like doing just” for” myself..”with” myself but so cant figure what it possibly could be. Every evening for the last few years were either conversations years and life passed by.Today the situation is again similar.. not knowing when I would be needed on a particular evening, so i perpetually wait for that phone call either to tell me that I am needed that evening or not. I go back home to an environment that is filled with guilt and questions in that persons’s eyes who has silently resinged to circumstances. Who lives every day of his life not sure what is in store tomorrow. I guess everybody is sailing in the same boat. Suddenly there is intense fear in me for the last few days. Like something is slipping off my hands. A pain in my heart that i can feel but cant pin point the reason. Just feel like is drifting away aimlessly. I have been feeling like this for years now ! When will i find answers? what is it that I am looking for? Why can everything make me so unhappy easily? Why can anyone choose to hurt me as and when they feel like? why do i put the key to my happiness in someone else’s happiness? What is my future? Where am i heading to? When will I have an answers to all these questions that have been eating into me for long ! WHEN??
Ek hi Ghosla do dilon ka agar ho jaayeto
Ek hi faisla do taqdiron ka agar ho jaaye to !
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I 
will walk with you without going away
Even if hardships ahead there lay
I will give you a loving hug everyday
No matter whether the sky is sunny or gray
I will shield you when harm comes your way
You must not be hurt come what may
I will make your days happy and gay
For your fears I will try to allay
I will remember the days to buy you a bouquet
‘Till I’m old and my memory is in disarray
I now only have this to convey
That I love you and my love is here to stay.
Hall ticket number – 070309 
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I spent my evening with Chinu at Orchid today. We had nice yummy dinner and a lil to drink 
Every moment with her is so special. Though i dont like admitting this but i do like the way she holds the cigarette ..mind u only the way she holds it though !! Not the smoking bit ! :-/ She does it in style 
Oooo lala
I hope it was a better evening though. I know at a point she was hurt too and i also know i will undo all hurt coz she will just so see how much I love her and that i am true to her. The only moment i so eagerly wait for in life is meeting chinu . Its the most beautiful feeling and im so happy that i am fortunate to be happy. Its amazing to be in her presence. She makes me feel so worthwhile like i’ve never been made to feel before. And it equally is amazing to love her . She is so adorable that love is the only possibility !And i hate it when I have to leave her and go back home ! The most painful part. Take me home with you Chinu ! Ok let me not sulk now !
My day starts with seeing her and the days i know she wont pick me up to drop me at work is terrible . She’s busy tomorrow and I understand nothing much can be done.. but it is hard not to be sad about it na . A morning which does not have her in it is a morning I would never look forward too. But yea if I want to make it easier on myself then I will wait for the morning to come and go by soon so that I can get to see her at night hopefully. Huh.. LOVE !! Beautiful..but equally painful isn’t it??? But a pain one would happily want to go through …why wont I atleast…when i know at the other end of all this anguish is loads of happiness !! Happiness is Chinu !!
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At dusk as day light decreases embarking a long dark night, I promise I will be that light that will illumine you… you who are the incomparable one. I will be there with you standing by you, giving you warmth of my love and protecting you against cold nights . I will be your companion all through the night, whenever your hope is gone I’ll give you strength to carry on in the darkness of the night I will be your light. No wind ,no rain no storm is ever going to stand in my way !
And in this journey as we travel together from being two bodies and one soul this is what I dedicate to you chinu ! J
Mang teri sindoor bhi tera
Sab kuch tera kuch nahin mera
Mohe saughandh tere ansuan ki
Main tulsi tere aangan ki !
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